Omg sometimes I feel so alone in this world I could kill myself. Makes me want to cut again. I want to die all the time. Pretty much im dead. Meds just make me crazy and stupid ppl in my family make me crazy. Being diagnosed w/ depression and anxiety is not fun. Everyday is torture. Nothing inspires me to live anymore. I hate my stepmom and I’m stuck being my dad’s perfecting, puppet. I feel like waking up is like awakening in a nightmare full of a darkness that harness over my body. Gripping me and keeping me in the dark.

Sometimes I feel like I’m on my own. My family always try to control me and make me do what they want. I can never express my feelings and every time I do, they get so pissed and cuss and yell at me. My dad acts like he’s the worlds smartest person but really he’s made terrible choices that ruined him. I wished I could just disappear.

I may respect my stepmom b/c she’s the mother of my siblings. But, I dislike her so much.

Sometimes my siblings are so hateful. Little bro is in time out and pees on the bed and I have to shower him. As soon as he’s done little sis spills milk all over me and herself and the sofa and now she won’t listen to me. Fml

Thought of the day: Four leaf clover

So my dad and I are Babysitting my cousins and siblings. We decide to take them all outside to play in the sprinkler & ride bike. After riding bike for a long time, we decide to play badminton. My dad kept looking in the grass. Guessing he’s trying to find a four leaf clover? I thought. Anyways, he shouts out “Hey, I found a four leaf clover!” I rush to take a look and saw it. He then said he was going to take a picture of it. Then forgot what he was doing and asked, “wait, I forgot what I was doing”! I said “you were going to take a picture of it”! & he said “oh yeah”! but where is it now”!? I’ll say, there where so many three leaf clovers all over the yard. But somehow I looked down directly at it and said “right there” and pointed right at it and we all burst out laughing. Laughing my dad said, “it’s easily to spot it once u see it”. So he took pictures and stuck a little branch and stuck it next to the four leaf clover. The rest of us just went back to what we were doing, playing badminton.

An old updo i did back in May 2014. I’d always practice doing updos when work was slow.

An old updo i did back in May 2014. I’d always practice doing updos when work was slow.

@the MN Zoo for the third time and w/out my older sis again. Ugh, so boring.

Hanging out with my guy cousins who are visiting from michigan and their girlfriends! It was super fun and I wished they lived near so we won’t be so lonely! ;)

Gosh I hate being forced to go somewhere I don’t want to go to such as the store to shop for clothes. I hate shopping for clothes! Makes me mad when my family acts ridiculous. Mean, rude, pushy and irritating!😡

Sometimes I wished I was the kind of sister my sister liked. I’ve always fancied her since we were little and looked up to her even now. But knowing, I’m just a pest. I hope I can be less irritating and annoying.